Leavin' It All Behind Read online

  Savannah’s phone rings, playing the first notes of “A Whole Lot of Love.”

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, Savannah. I’m gearin’ up to leave Abilene.”

  It’s her younger sister, Serena. She’s more than a decade younger—a surprise to the whole family, including the senior Bainbridges. She’s only nineteen and already married with two babies.

  “Serena. What’s goin’ on? Kids okay?” And she adds, “What’s this talk about leavin?”

  “Kids are fine,” Serena answers. “I just can’t take much more of Cody’s bullshit. It’s like I have two babies, and he just comes and goes whenever. That’s not a marriage, Van.”

  Savannah replies, “Okay, well, let’s think this over. You have two babies, no money, and no vehicle. Where are you gonna go, and in what?”

  Silence on the other end.

  Savannah can’t keep herself from blurting out, “Hey—just a thought—we should go together. I’m rottin’ on the vine in this trailer park.”

  “You’d leave Bruce? No shit!”

  “No shit, Sissy. There’s gotta be more for me in life than soap operas and cleanin’ up this shitbox of a trailer. Maybe I need to leave Abilene behind me.”

  “Look here, Savannah. I might do it. Just take Pony and Panda and one suitcase. Start over. If you come too…but what about your friend—what’s her name? Duckie?”

  “Yeah—Duckie. I don’t know. She’s cool—it’s a kick to be with her. But Bruce is gettin’ awful suspicious. He can’t wrap his mind around why I’d rather go out with Duckie than have plain ole vanilla sex with him.”

  “Well, I won’t pretend like I get it—the lesbian thing. But you should be able to find your happy place in your own way. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Okay, Serena—thanks for that. Go take care of Pony and Panda. And do somethin’ for yourself—a bubble bath or somethin’. I’ll call tomorrow if I can.”

  Chapter 5: Last Straw

  Cody wasn’t fooling; he didn’t come back to the house for three days. Serena has no idea where he slept, or how he got clean uniforms for work. She’s determined to put all her effort into staying calm and thinking about her uncertain future.

  About three in the afternoon on the third day, a Thursday, she hears the familiar sound of his truck coming up the gravel road. Like always, she stows Pony in the playpen and carries Panda outside with her. Cody gets out of the truck and looks his wife up and down, as if she’s some major purchase he’s considering.

  “Hey, Serena. Kids okay?’

  As if you care…

  “Sure,” she says out loud.

  “I came to get some more of my stuff.”

  “You’re leavin’? For good?”

  He ignores these questions and stomps into the house. Serena takes some deep breaths and sniffs the sweet smell of Panda’s hair. The importance of how she handles the coming conversation hangs over her head like a weight ready to drop.

  Inside, Pony starts crying and tossing toys out of his playpen.

  In the bedroom, Cody is throwing clothes into a suitcase, which happens to be the one Savannah gave her little sister last Christmas. Without thinking, Serena cries out, “Hey, stop. That’s my suitcase, ya know.”

  Cody laughs, a nasty laugh, and keeps on packing stuff into the suitcase.

  “I mean it, Cody. You can’t just take whatever you want. This is my house, too.”

  This seems to really get to him. “What?! I hate to tell you, Serena, but you got nothin’, ya hear me? You got them kids. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  This makes her so mad she could spit nails. Does he think she wanted to be stuck with two babies and never even finish high school? What the fuck?! What she wanted was love—what she got was a dead-end life with a dreamer who can never settle down. And, she realizes with a start, what she really wants now is to go back to school, however she can possibly make that happen.

  Serena knows enough not to say these things to Cody. She goes into the kitchen and puts Panda in her carrier while Cody keeps packing. Maybe the safest plan is to be nice and help him, so she starts packing a cooler with beer, soda, and sandwiches. Soon enough, Cody comes into the kitchen to see what’s happening.

  “Serena. I’m goin’. I’ll call you when I land somewhere—just to see about Pony and Panda.”

  “Sure, Cody. Whatever. We’ll be fine. I packed you some stuff.” And she gestures toward the cooler on the table. The idea that Serena would still help him seems to take him by surprise.

  “Hey…thanks. I didn’t mean to hurt you, babe. I just can’t stay stuck here with you and these two brats…”

  This is it—Serena can’t take it.

  “You? Stuck?”

  She can hear the frustration in her own voice, growing louder.

  “You go out to work every day. You control the money. You control me. And these “brats”? Guess where they came from? I’m not the Virgin Mary ya know—I didn’t create Pony and Panda by myself!”

  “I fuckin’ know that, Serena. But you could have gotten an abortion like I said the first time. And I’m not even sure Panda’s mine…

  By now Serena is near hysteria, and both babies start to scream, too.

  “What the fuck? Not yours? Exactly when would I have time to go out and screw some other guy?!”

  He laughs that nasty laugh she hates, “Hey, why don’t we call up The Maury Show and find out with one of them tests?” Another laugh, then, “Look, you wanted to trap me into this married thing and you know it. Me workin’ my ass off at Auto Zone and an easy life for you!”

  She wants to hit him, and she can feel her fists balling up. Bust him right in the jaw. But some voice of caution inside makes her keep her fists by her sides, and watch him leave in silence.

  Chapter 6: Big Dust-Up

  In spite of her own troubles, Savannah can’t keep her mind off Serena and her small nephew and niece. What if Cody does take off and leave the whole bunch with nothin’? What will her sister do?

  But she doesn’t go over to the tiny concrete block house, or even call. She keeps thinking that maybe Cody came back and they made up. Wouldn’t Serena call her if something drastic happened for real?

  So it’s Friday night, and that’s usually the one chance for Duckie to come over to Piney Woods with no chance of Bruce catching the two lovers together. Bruce is off on Friday, and spends his free time first at a lodge meeting at the Moose and then drinking with his buddies over at Easy Eddie’s Bar and Grill. He never comes home before 2:00 A.M. when Eddie’s closes down, and when he does he’s so shit-faced he wouldn’t notice if a tornado hit.

  So, like always, Savannah dresses up for Duckie—a dress and stockings, and a touch of make-up. There’s Savannah’s version of a “fancy dinner” featuring a candle on the table and all. Right on time, at 6:30 P.M., Duckie pokes her curly head in the front door and says, “Hey there, baby girl—your lover has arrived.”

  Savannah goes to the door and kisses her before she opens the door wide. Savannah finds Duckie adorable in black pants and a denim vest with a bolo tie. Her head of red curls is slicked down on the sides, leaving the front to spill over her forehead. Duckie is almost forty, but still doesn’t have a touch of gray.

  “You look pretty cute yourself, Ms. Savannah,” she says with a wink. They enjoy being a little corny romantic when it’s just the two of them.

  The two women go into the kitchen; Duckie sits at the set table while her hostess fixes drinks. Savannah loves Fridays; it’s almost like being married to Duckie instead of Bruce. She giggles a bit at the thought.

  Dinner is a big hit: pork chops, mashed potatoes, and those little baby green peas. Plus wine and some crescent rolls. Duckie pats her full tummy and grins at her girlfriend in appreciation. Savannah thinks that it’s not really fair to blame Bruce because he has to jump up and leave the table to get to work. But it is awful nice—this business of relaxing at the table after a meal. Now—the dessert.

 
Before they even get to the couch, Duckie makes her move, kissing Savannah all over. First the hand, then the wrist, then the neck, and finally they lock lips and fall down on the couch. This is what Savannah likes best—the romance she’s missed for what seems like ages—until she met this crazy red-haired woman.

  * * * *

  They lose track of time in the dark of the front room, totally absorbed in each other’s bodies. It’s black dark outside now, but Savannah can see the lit-up numbers on the clock: 10:20 P.M. Usually no chance of Bruce coming home this early, so she startles when she hears a car pull up outside and a door slam. Duckie hears it too, covering the other woman’s mouth gently in case she screams. Savannah has a mad thought that they should go hide in the bedroom, but there isn’t time. Whoever is outside is now at the door, turning the handle. Did she forget to lock it earlier?

  The door flies open, and two male voices talk low as the light flicks on overhead. Duckie and Savannah pull the coverlet up over their bare breasts and stare. It’s Bruce, and his lodge buddy Frank McElhenny.

  Damn and damn! How could this happen?

  Frank stares like he’s watching a girl-on-girl porno movie. Bruce seems frozen with his hand on the door handle. His glass eye focuses straight ahead, but his good one looks right at Duckie with an expression of shock and disgust that shakes Savannah wide awake.

  The women fumble around for their discarded clothing.

  Then everything busts loose. While Duckie scrambles off the couch and pulls on her pants, Frank starts laughing, a nasty cackling sound that makes Savannah’s skin crawl. Bruce shifts the gaze of his one good eye over to Frank. “Shut up, Asshole. I mean it.” And Frank does. In fact, he sinks down into the armchair and covers his face with his hands.

  By this time Duckie is fully dressed except for the bolo, and ready to face off with her lover’s husband. Savannah, on the other hand, can’t seem to move off the couch. Duckie finds Savannah’s panties and bra and tosses them to her. Still, Savannah remains huddled at the end of the couch under the blanket. Her mind races at the possibilities in this situation.

  “What the hell?” asks Bruce, of no one in particular. Savannah is silent. Duckie says, “Hey, Man. Just stay calm, okay? We can talk this over.”

  Bruce looks like the last thing he wants to do is talk. He slams his hands together, first with flat palms that make a loud clap in the still room. Then he forms fists, and punches them together, ready to fight.

  Duckie is short, but feisty and muscular; no way will she back down if Bruce wants to get aggressive.

  Suddenly, Savannah finds her wits and her voice.

  “Bruce, sweetie, just calm down. We can talk this over.”

  Bruce and Duckie both turn to look at Savannah, still in the corner of the couch but now up on her knees with her shirt back on. Her face betrays the seriousness of the situation.

  Duckie takes a step toward her lover, while Bruce seems frozen to the spot. Frank, glued to the side chair, makes a chortling sort of sound in his throat, as if he’s about to lose the many beers he consumed over the course of the night.

  Savannah grabs Duckie’s hand and jumps up from the couch; the two women now stand together as a united front.

  Bruce takes this in and yells, “You filthy dyke! Get away from my wife. She belongs to me!”

  This was probably the worst thing Bruce could have uttered. Savannah lets go of Duckie and confronts her husband straight on.

  “Bruce! I don’t belong to anyone but myself. And it’s about time everyone sees that clear. I’m leavin’. Leavin’ this shithole of a town, this dump we call a house, and you! Bye, now…”

  Hearing this speech, both Bruce and his sidekick Frank move toward the front door. Duckie’s face shows an odd mixture of pride and fear. She has never seen this side of Savannah Bainbridge Jolley. And she isn’t sure exactly how to react.

  Savannah soon clears up this dilemma. “Duckie, I’m blowin’ this popcorn stand. And I think Serena’s in about the same boat. You comin’?

  “Well, of course I am! Let’s go, girl!”

  * * * *

  An hour later, Duckie and Savannah show up at Serena’s, high on feminine power. Savannah bangs on the door of her sister’s concrete block house.

  Serena appears at the door, dressed in men’s pajamas and blinking in surprise.

  “Van—what’s goin’ on?”

  Savannah and Duckie come into the living room uninvited. Serena gestures for them to be quiet and not wake Pony and Panda. The two older women sit on the couch in silence, while Serena goes to the kitchen to get all of them a beer.

  Luckily, there’s no sound from the babies’ room. Serena sits in the one armchair and looks at her sister with a question in her eyes.

  “Okay, look. I’m outta here, Serena. Me and Duckie are packin’ up and headin’ east. I can’t handle Bruce no more—he caught us tonight. It’s time for me to make a choice…”

  Serena’s answer seems to burst out of her in a rush of emotion.

  “Oh, Van. I need to go, too. Cody’s gone, and there’s nothin’ for me—for us—here in Abilene. Can I go with y’all?”

  “Of course. That’s why we stopped here first.”

  Serena sighs in relief. Savannah moves over to her sister and puts her arms around her. Duckie grins.

  “Okay, then. Go get your shit together, and we’ll head out first thing in the mornin’. We’ll take my car and drive east toward Louisiana. Aunt Edith is already lookin’ for us in Monroe.”

  Serena smiles a tentative smile. Duckie and Savannah leave Serena’s place to get their own stuff packed for the road trip.

  Chapter 7: Minor Accident

  The next morning, Duckie and Savannah head out with their essential belongings loaded into Savannah’s car, making sure to leave a few corners of space for Serena’s stuff. The two women then decide to stop off at MacDonald’s for breakfast.

  “May as well leave on a full stomach,” says Duckie with a grin. “We got a long road ahead with them two kids in the car…”

  “I know it. But I just can’t take off and leave my baby sister in the lurch.”

  Duckie, in the driver’s seat, reaches over to grasp Savannah’s hand. “I know, baby. We got this. It’s the right time for all of us.”

  Savannah squeezes Duckie’s hand. “Yeah. I think so. But I’m still kinda scared.”

  “Don’t worry, Van. I’m with you.”

  They pull up in the MacDonald’s drive thru. The line’s fairly long at this time of the morning, with people headed to work. By the time they get their coffees and a breakfast burrito for Duckie, a good twenty minutes has passed. As they park in a spot near the exit, Savannah notices a familiar truck. She looks over at Duckie in apprehension.

  “Do you see what I see? Over there.”

  Duckie looks where Van’s pointing. “Shit and damn! It’s Bruce.”

  “Yep. The man himself. What should we do?”

  Duckie’s face reveals her internal conflict. “Yeah, well…I’d like to beat him to a pulp. But that may not be the best plan.”

  “Okay. I’m goin’ over there. He’s probably just doin’ the same thing we are—grabbing coffee. Maybe he’ll just want to talk. Wait here, sweetie.”

  At that, Savannah gets out of the car and walks over to where Bruce is parked. As soon as he sees her, he gets out of the truck and stands waiting.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, Bruce. You okay?”

  His face shifts in a heartbeat from sadness to anger. Savannah immediately realizes this wasn’t such a hot idea. She looks back over her shoulder at Duckie waiting in the car.

  Bruce focuses his one natural eye on his wife in a menacing way.

  “Bruce. Please listen. I don’t want to hurt you, but I just have to get away.”

  “From me?”

  “No, not really. From Abilene. From my shithole of a life. There’s gotta be somethin’ more out there.”

  The man’s face betrays his lack of
understanding, as he switches back to sadness. “Savannah. I love you, ya know?”

  This statement hits Savannah in her heart. Again, she looks back at Duckie for encouragement.

  “You’re really leavin’?

  “Got to, Bruce. It’s not about you. It’s just somethin’ I need for me.”

  “And—her?”

  Savannah knows he means Duckie. She says quietly, “You knew, hon. I told you at the start. I really tried to change—for you.” She feels hot tears welling up behind her eyelids.

  Bruce shakes his head in resignation. Silently, he gets back in his truck. Savannah walks back to where Duckie waits, finishing up her burrito.

  Van gets in and slams the car door. “Okay, that’s the best I can do. Let’s just get outta here.”

  Duckie wastes no time in firing up the car and backing up. She screeches out of the parking lot toward the exit. Suddenly, a figure appears in front of the car, waving frantically. It’s Bruce.

  Duckie hesitates for an instant, giving the man just enough time to get out of the car’s path. Then he disappears somewhere as Savannah’s car moves. Duckie steps heavily on the gas pedal, and the car shoots forward. There’s a terrible moment in which Savannah’s husband stands in the path of the car, a terrified expression on his face. Then there’s a thud and a jolting of the car. They pull out of the parking lot, Savannah looking back in horror. Bruce lies on the pavement, unmoving.

  “Shit, Duckie! What just happened?”

  “I don’t know—and neither do you. We didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m not goin’ back…”

  Savannah’s tears now burst free, tense hot drops of fear and shame.